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The housefly, small, discreet and considerate, sat on my monitor when I first noticed her. It was already late autumn and she was the only fly indoors. She followed me to the kitchen. She never sat on the food, never got in the way. Neither shy nor afraid, more of a bold behaviour. A pleasant acquaintance during the days we had her here.
I think it was the fly's discrete charm that made us fond of it. Some flies behave more like robbers, buzzing, diving, nervously flies about, but this fly was not particularly afraid and sat calmly as we rummaged around where she was sitting.
I told a friend about the fly and it turned out he also had a housefly with the same unobtrusive behaviour. That fly was also appreciated; the only problem was that she followed over into the bedroom and buzzed around. Hard to sleep then. Many flies have surely met their end in a similar situation, but my friend's solution was warm and considerate. — “I turned on the light in the next room and when the fly flew over I closed the bedroom door and then I was allowed to lie in peace.” Simple, elegant and considerate.
The question “Who are you?” doesn't just apply to flies and other living beings you meet, it also applies to who you are. Who are you in the meeting? How do you treat the little ones? Earwigs in the mailbox, fruit flies in the kitchen, aphids on the roses ... Not all of them may arouse immediate delight, but they appear where the conditions suit them. Just like people.
You form personal truths through how you relate to what you encounter. It is not the same person who takes care of a small fly by luring it into another room, as the person who solves the problem by killing. You decide who you want to be. Situation by situation.
Wasps are often misunderstood. As if the mere fact that they have a sting would make them evil. They are not, they are prepared to show consideration if you give them the chance and the respect they deserve. What creates danger is fear. Scared dogs can be dangerous. Scared people can be dangerous, not just for wasps.2
Many years ago, I experienced for myself how my fear created a monster out of a wasp: the cliffs somewhere on a summer day near the sea. A wasp comes to inspect me. Too close for my taste at that time. Too much eye to eye so to speak. Unpleasant, took my T-shirt and sent the wasp at least ten meters up in the air. Like a Disney-bee the wasp returned, now very upset. I felt sting in the air. Our relations became more and more infected with each blow from my T-shirt and the only thing for me was to fly into the woods.
I then gradually learned to put up with a buzzing wasp around my face. Close eyes and stand still. Gradually I was able to meet them more welcoming and eventually make friends.
Friendship really started in a small garage, a very simple wooden shed where I had my workshop. One day I saw that the wasps were building a nest on the overhead ledge of the gate. I imagined we agreed (hopefully it was mutual) that their nest was ok, but the condition was: no buzzing around the workbench when I'm working. So I allowed the nest to grow.
What I am telling you is of course how I perceived our relationship; how the wasps viewed the matter I can only judge by their behaviour against me. There is no truth except the story itself. It is as it is. Is it a disease to constantly seek explanations?
A trial by fire came after a couple of weeks. We had had some small controversies and got more used to each other. I learned that what you say to a wasp must be with full focus and very determined. Just your voice is of no use. Back to the story.
I intended to nail up a fire extinguisher, quite heavy, so the nail was big. The problem was that the blows would shake the nest on the overhead rule, so I warned and hoped it would go home. Then I pulled on. Heavy hammer, deep blows.
After the first blow, the inspection patrol arrived. The next blow created reinforcement. Their wait-and-see behaviour made it seem like they were beginning to hesitate about our agreement. After the third stroke, the nail was in place. A minute or so later, calm was restored and I was able to hang up the fire extinguisher.
It is known today that bees have the capacity to recognize human faces in photographs.3 There is no reason to think that wasps would not have the same ability.
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Did I mention a small controversy with a wasp? It was completely undramatic, just a wasp on a voyage of discovery that found her way over to the workbench to buzze around me while I was working. A sharp reprimand was all that was needed.
I discovered that only honest reactions made it through. Once I was going to demonstrate to a friend that it is possible to reach wasps, with a flat failure as a result. I got no response, felt quite silly, but had myself to blame. Communication with animals is not a circus act. It doesn't work with pretended emotions, what you do must be grounded and genuine.
I actually already knew this from previous experience, namely that genuine emotional expression has an effect: A casual acquaintance and me were walking talking along a park path and happened to pass on a bridge over a small stream. Down on the water was a flock geese their loud chattering made it impossible to have a normal conversation. For some reason, I became instant furious and let out a concentrated sequence of sounds focusing on the birds. Total silence. They didn't get going again until we were a good distance away.
This was not a one-off. On another occasion, I sat with the window open and worked on a translation. Outside, on the other side of the road, in a large maple tree, the quays held a big meeting and the noise level was palpable. I tried to be tolerant, but suddenly it broke. I leaned out and delivered concentrated oaths mixed with how I felt their clatter and that I urged them to take off for the village and let me work in peace.
Snap quiet, not even a rustle. A few seconds of total silence and then: hundreds of wings sprung into action and the entire flock eased off and descended towards the village. Of course, I don't mean to imply that they picked up on my suggestion or even understood where I thought they should be going, but they did what I said, no connections suggested.
I'll give one last example and this time no loud voices of anger and irritation but about a low-key monologue that was answered. I don't remember where we were, but the main characters were I and out in a field three dromedaries. I remained by the fence while my friends moved on.
The distance to the dromedaries was probably thirty to forty meters when I started telling them that I saw that they were shedding fur and that they were beautiful. I kept addressing them directly and told them that I discovered that they each had their own personal appearance and that it was not difficult for me to tell the difference between them.
So there I spoke and from just stretching their necks they started coming closer. I kept talking and finally they were right next to me and I got wet tongues in my face.